Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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