no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
