dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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