He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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