Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
