you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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