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I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
