I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
