The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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