My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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