it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
