Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
