; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
