I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
