Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
