you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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