Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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