Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
