so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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