Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
