So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
