I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
