She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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