similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
