god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
