i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
