let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
