I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
