You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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