Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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