who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
