Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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