so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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