i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
