Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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