very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
