i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
