i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
