Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
