Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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