i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
