i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
