decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
