Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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