im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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