i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
