I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
