Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
