How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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