not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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